Who I am / Who am I?

I am trying to come up with the correct metaphor to explain what I do and how I live my life each day. I am stuck between flitting and surfing. 

I find that I have to surf through the waves of pain and accompanying depression and anxiety, that begin shortly after I open my eyes, trying to find that passage through to the other side of the wave or follow it until it breaks upon the shore disappearing into the sand. Sometimes the waves are twisting and turning and churning, always trying to pull me under. I have to be fluid, like the wave itself in order to maintain my balance, shifting my weight and moving my body as the waves flows around me, over me, under me, sometimes almost comfortingly. So I see myself as a migraine surfer. 

But, I am also fliterer, I think. As soon as I am fully conscious, I begin to flit and continue my flitting throughout the day. Kind of lightly going in circles around projects and activities doing a little bit here and doing a little bit there, never spending more than 1/2 an hour - one hour at the very most. It seems if I keep my attention on one project or task for two long my migraine escalates. All the while my brain is also flittering, often in opposite directions from my body- which can sometimes be quiet disorientating when I come to and can’t fit my thoughts in with what ever I am doing. Almost every time I walk into another room I have to stop and and ask “what am I supposed to be doing here? When ever I open the refrigerator or a cupboard or a drawer I have to stop and ask myself "What am I supposed to be getting?" because almost always, as soon as I open it I completely forget what I was doing and have to pause to think seriously.

Because I flit, I tend to have a lot of different projects going on around the house and on the computer. It is hard for me to make out to do lists or to organize things on paper and in my head so I tend to have a general idea of the different things I am working on but sometimes things slip and I forget completely about them and sometimes that can cause me trouble. And of course trouble of any kind leads to increased migraine pain.